Beside Him Every Step

She knew that he was trying to convince her and everyone else that he was ok.

It was the small things that stood out first; a forced laugh, a smile stretched so wide that it looked like it hurt, the unusually intense eye contact. Things that just got past the radar but got her attention. He threw himself back into his work at the garage, but spent his time sitting next to the cars, fumbling with the tools, staring at them with a far off look. His boss complained; first the unexplained time off and now he wasn't even working. The boss threatened to fire him. Kevin did not seem to care.

He wasn't sleeping well. Gwen knew from the times were he drifted off while someone was talking to him and the cups of coffee he consumed throughout the day. He wasn't eating as much as he used to, not even when they went out to the local Burger Shack on campus which was his favorite. He became quiet, spending hours in silence, not speaking up unless someone else did first.

She started to drop hints that she was concerned. Mentioning in passing that the health services on campus had a therapist, taking food up to his apartment, taking his hand more often than she usually did, a hug or a kiss that lingered a few seconds more.

"You know," she said one day as they were sitting out on a bench in the park. "You can talk to me about anything that's upsetting you."

She placed her hand in his' and stroked it.

"I'm here," she whispered.

He was staring out at the people passing by them; jogging, riding their bikes, or taking a leisurely stroll. The children at the playground, their laughter coming out in shrieks as they ran around, sporting wide grins. But he did not react to the scene in front of him. It was as if it took place far off in the distance and he couldn't see.

His hand held hers and gave it a squeeze. His thumb rubbed back and forth on top of hers. He glanced at her, but only for a second. His grip tightened. They sat, looking out. He did not let go of her hand.
*************************************************************
A week passed. It was afternoon, just after Gwen's last class. She headed towards the garage. Kevin was not there.

"Second day in a row that he hasn't shown up!" The boss exclaimed.

"There must be some sort of reason for it," she said.

"I don't know what's gotten into that boy! Slacking off! Just like the other kids!"

"Maybe it isn't his fault," Gwen pointed out. "Haven't you noticed that he hasn't been like himself lately!"

"And who are you to poke your nose into my business?"

"Someone who cares about him!" Gwen exclaimed angrily.

A barking sound came from the far corner.

The two turned around. A purple-bluish dog the size of a greyhound rushed over to Gwen.

"Zed!" Gwen knelt down and petted her. "How did you get here?"

"Great! And now his mutt is here," the boss spat before storming out of the room.

The dog looked up at Gwen with her glowing red eyes.

"Where's Kevin?" Gwen asked.

The dog started to walk out of the garage. Gwen got up and followed her. Zed slowed down for Gwen to catch up. Together they walked a few blocks to Kevin's apartment. Zed never once left Gwen's side and walked so close to her that she brushed her body against her. They entered the building and Zed burst into a sprint up the stairs. They ran up four flights of stairs until Zed stopped in front of Kevin's door.

Gwen knocked.

"Kevin?"

There was no answer. Zed let out a whine. Gwen knocked again. No answer. She turned the knob to find that the door was open. She walked inside.

He was laying on the couch, huddled in a fetal position. His back was to her. He was dressed in pajamas; a black t shirt and navy blue boxers. His hair looked like it hadn't been combed in days.

"Kevin?"

He was still. Completely still except for the rise and fall of his upper back. She took a step towards him.

"Kevin?"

He let out a moaning sound. Her hand gently touched his shoulder.

"Kevin?"

He began to move. First his head, then the rest forward. She stepped back and watched as he pushed himself up. He turned around to face her.

His skin was pale and his cheeks were covered in three day stubble. His eyes were empty except for the tears that trickled down. His lips, chapped and cracked opened slightly. His arm reached out to her.

And she knelt on the floor and caught him. She wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around him as he clung to her. He sobbed into her neck, his body quivering with each sound. Her left hand stroked through his hair and moved down the side of his face, her fingers tracing every line and angle. With her right hand she supported and rubbed his back. Her lips brushed against the top of his head, pressed against his forehead, his cheek. She could almost taste his tears. Unless if what she felt on her lips was a mixture of her own tears mingling with his'.

They did not break apart. Their embrace only got stronger. His breathing started to slow. His sobs turned into weeping. Her shoulder and neck felt damp. Tears dripped into her mouth; if it was hers' or his' it did not matter. She blinked and stared into his eyes. They were watery but no longer as empty as they were. Her lips met his'. His lips puckered up and crashed into hers'. Gwen felt chills go down her spine as the seconds passed. He broke off with a gasp. His breath was warm and she swore she could smell the tears on his breath too.

He tilted his head and she cupped his face. They stared at each other, not saying a word, but knowing everything that needed to be said.

It was he who broke the silence.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"I know," she whispered. "I know."

She let go of his face and found that his hands had taken hers'. His grip on her hand was just was tight like the way he held on to her.

"You hungry? We could order pizza."

He nodded. She started to get up and reached for her phone in her pocket. She felt his hand again, on her shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice hoarse.

Kevin's hand was more relaxed. It caressed her, as if to wipe off the tears from her shirt.

"You don't need to thank me," she said softly. "We have to look out for each other don't we?"

He smiled. The first time in a long time he truly did.

"Yep."

She dialed the number of the pizza place close by. He sat next to her as she placed the order. The couple sat next to each other on the couch, his arm around her's, she feeling his chest rise and fall against her cheek. They were quiet, but it wasn't the silence that had disturbed them before.

Gwen knew that it would take time. Kevin wouldn't feel better overnight. It could take months, maybe years until he got to the way he used to be. But this was a start. A small start, but one that meant so much, both for him and for her. And as long as he needed and wanted someone beside him, she would be there every step of the way.